Saturday, August 1, 2015
1st August 2015 (2130H)
Monday, March 25, 2013
But now in the business continuing my preparation course in this institution. Sad to be here because of my 'LOVELY' comrades but life must go on, right? Hopefully Allah will always with me...insyallah. ...
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Shelia Hamzah....why all these sudden? hahaahha...just nothing....coming in this morning, one of my friend had played this song through his laptop. Nice song to hear just meet my sad feelings trough these days... :(
Guess what? I am still giving opportunity to breathe this morning air...i mean i am still living on after going through mundane day had passed yesterday. Alhamdulillah. Today i am still in not quite good mood, feeling that why do i need to be here... it seems like i lost hope. It's because before this, i still have friends, can talk to after having stress situation with the organization. But then, what happen to me back days, now i am alone in this world.
So be it. Looks like, I need to reprogram my life so that I am fit in this situation. The best lesson learns is not too relying to our friends. Yes, sometimes there have a situation that we need them, but also when they do some sort of shit things, it come to this situation...my situation....it give me a days of miserable feelings!
But never mind. Some good news that i get today is i am allowed to go for my outing today. So i will use this time to refresh my bad day yesterday....need to go now...adios....
23rd March 2013(0136H)
Friday, March 22, 2013
“Girl you are preaching to the congregation”
“preaching to the choir”
“you’re supposed to preach the congregation “
“that’s the expression…”
Some part of dialogue from ‘friend with benefit’ movie. Quite interesting story even though there’s some negative values in there but something that I can do to watch that movie for hundreds times to make use of mundane time to live in this institution. Actually I’m done with my degree and now I’m into the business to undergoing preparation course before I can be hundred percent ready to serve in the navy and this course took about one year, so the activity is not quite pack. There is a time that I really don’t have in anything in my mind what to do to make the time pass. Sound stupid, isn't it?
But never mind. Actually I am not writing this time to share about this story, but I just want to share how I fell today. Actually I’m in the sad mood. Not really sad…it is actually upset…sad and upset…I really don’t know how to express my feelings. Yesterday I was very sleepy and I had missed to follow my compulsory routine that all of us…I mean all the members of this course need to perform subuh prayer at mosque. Because I am too sleepy, I waked up and just perform my prayer in my own room and get back to sleep. And for that I've been fined for RM20. It is ok with me because I am in the guilty side.
Then I continue my routine as usual, going to class and so on. In the middle of that, I am the in charge of one event. The event is the simple thing but there is some letters that I need to take care of. So I need to draft the letter and ask my superior signature in order the get the clearance for that event. But unfortunately my letter was been rejected 2 times because of mistakes in formats and I’m using inappropriate language. So I need to re do the letter and need to find my superior again to ask for his signature. Can you imagine, I still need to attend the class and also need to ensure that I can get the signature by today? Then after last time I went to my superior office, his secretary said that he was not around, just going back to his house! So my instinct is, this man will not come back for this afternoon but I still give a hope that he will be in his office so that I can get his signature by this evening. So I went back to my room sadly.
The 2nd story came out when I reached at my room. My comrades said to me that the fine for subuh prayer had been cancelled but they will bring the name for those who not attending the subuh prayer at mosque to another superior. SHIT! This is my first time! And another instinct came to my mind that I will never allowed going for my outing this weekend if my name go to that superior. And the one who are endorsing the name are my best friend! I know I am guilty, but this is my first timers! But never mind, I hope there will be another type of fine that waiting for me as spending whole day on weekend days in this institution will drive me to die with tribulation!! God! Please help me…make my instinct go wrong!
So, two sad stories and two instincts in my mind that I really won’t this happen. Then I proceed to Friday prayer with miserable feelings. After came back from Friday prayer, I rushed to my superior office to get his signature. Guess what? My instinct is correct! That man didn't come because of him got family issues! Arggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Then I told to my group members about this issues but they put all the blame to me as I not efficient enough to do the letter. Oh my god! I’m trying my best dudes! But never mind…they have rights to put that blame on me because I’m the in charge for that event. Because of that, I take a nap because I’m too exhausted this morning. Non enjoyable nap for me this time.
After I waked up, I’m getting ready to have my dinner. While eating, one of my course mates came to me and said that my name is on the list that not allowed having outing for this weekend. Double SHITTT!! My 2nd instinct became true! Which means I’ll stuck here for this weekend! So as I mention before maybe I this is my last writing as I’ll die with tribulation this weekend! Oh god! Why all this happen to me.
Crossing my mind, maybe Allah making up these things to happen just to give me this miserable felling. The reason is, to wake me up. Wake me from my previous life that is life that I am a far from Him. So I took it in positive ways with determination to make some changes. Another determination for me, right? Hahaha…maybe. Just maybe I’ll put ‘istiqamah’ mixed with my determination this time. Hope it will lead to happier life. Amiiiiinnn….
23rd March 2013(0136H)
23rd March 2013(0136H)
Saturday, August 4, 2012
From one strategy move to another strategy…talking about aim, resolution, destination, determination and so on but all of these things are useless for me. Now I’m 23 years old and I can say that until now my life always in a moderate level not too in high ranking but not to be the lowest. The reason why I’m telling about these things because I was really envy to some of the person that always can be the best in what they are doing. I know there was not anyone false but 100 percent are because of my attitude. Some rumors said that our attitude is come from our house which means how our parents entertain us from the beginning. If that were true, why both of my sisters manage to be the top of what they are doing and lead to a good life. So it is totally come to me.
Actually I think one of my biggest problem is I cannot do what I’m saying. I said, wrote my resolution but lastly it turns to my mundane life again. Then the second things are I am too arrogant with myself. Sounds weird, wright? I am just a medium type person but feeling myself are the best of the best. What a shame on you!
Everyday I’m trying to figure out my problem and try to find a way to solve my problem and lastly I jot it down either on a piece of paper or on my notebook or worst case scenario, I jot it here. But what I’m doing for action? Nothing!!! Maybe for the first, two or three days I am being a positive person and pacing toward success but then…come back to my old life!
So that is why in Islam, it put the values of Istiqamah which means continuing or all the positive deeds that you do, must be in your attitude not just write it and at last the product is nothing, just same like before or maybe worsen! So after this my core value of my life is ISTIQAMAH! And will try my best to apply it for the future.
5th Aug 2012(0136H)
Aim that only comes with determination will be useless actually. Yesterday I said that today will be my day but yet still the same…useless day of my life…everything that happen today was going as before everyday doing a mundane activity for the whole day! So here comes with new strategy! My plan is want to mix up the determination and the resolution. Sound like it was in early year right? Everybody keeps talking about their resolution but for me, today is my new year…3 months behind in the year of 2012 such a waste for me.
My determination was want to make the next day is my day, what I mean is trying hard to get back my normal life. So the aim is still the same but now I’m trying to mix it with the resolution that came across my mind.
1st April 2012(2303H)